For A True Love Story, Marriage Just Happens

We want love. We all want that thrilling emotion love gives us, a love story is what we seek. Love comes to us in the relationships we form, intimate close relationships. Childhood teaches us, we need to be in relationships. A baby needs the warmth and cuddle of a mother. As we grow and get older we benefit from the relationships our parents provide for us. These relationships give us emotional support as well as physical (financial aspect included). It is natural to want to be in relationships and have love in our lives. 

We yearn to be intimate and close to another because that is what we know. We want to share our innermost thoughts, our experiences, and laughs with a partner. Love relationships have always meant marriage. The idea of a love relationship leading to marriage is changing fast in America today. Marriage rates have been declining since the 1970s. People are choosing to not marry or marry later. Our fairytale idea of marriage, the love story of movies, is tainting the way we feel and see marriage. Modern culture fixates on “love” and how it plays out in marriage.  

Why a Yes to Marriage- Love & Marriage

The notion of what marriage is needs to be clear for us to want to enter into this contract. Why do we marry? To have the type of passionate love like the movies? Because that kind of love dissipates when there are constant contrasting views which in marriage that is often the case, two people equate to two different ideas. We don’t marry to only have passion in our lives. 

Let’s be clear, we marry to create a union that will enable two people to build a family, to fulfill our intrinsic desire to love and be loved. We marry because it’s morally correct to form a lasting relationship and be loyal to someone. The constitution of marriage develops aspects in us as a person that no other relationship can do. We marry to fulfill a responsibility we have as a human to populate the world with children, leaving a lasting legacy. Marriage allows us to teach those children the sense of responsibility, loyalty, and how we contribute to an institution, family being the first.

Similar values and traditions come into play in deciding whom we marry. Ultimately, we want to build our lives with someone who will have the same goals and move in the same trajectory. Whom we marry makes all the difference. The search for love, passionate love, should not be the litmus test or guiding principle to choose a life partner. But what are the values, and does this person have the character traits I admire. 

What the Blueprint for Life Says About a Love Story

The Torah portion of Chayei Sarah illustrates a true love story between Isaac and Rebbeca. We learn how a jewish marriage comes into being and how we get to the love of a partner which we all seek. 

“And Isaac brought her to the tent of Sarah his mother, and he took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her. And Isaac was comforted for [the loss of] his mother.”

The love story between the two love birds was developed for us before their meeting. Abraham wants to find Isaac a wife. He appoints his trusted servant – Eliezer – to find a mate for his son. Abraham refines requirements he wants as a daughter-in-law. She cannot be from the land of cannatite, she must be from his land and under no circumstance can Isaac go back to his father’s land. Eliezer sets out on his journey and prays for this woman to appear. Eliezer adds to the qualities she must embody; kindness. When he finds Rebbecca and she behaves exactly as the person he prayed G-d for, they quickly move into negotiation to form a match between Isaac and Rebbeca. It all happens fast. The alignment between the two happens because it is a match made in heaven. They are meant to be. 

The love story of Isaac and Rebecca has a fundamental message- when we find the one, it just happens. Marriage and love just happens. There is no need to delay if they meet the requirements – the values, and characteristics we are searching for in a partner. We marry them and then we love them. It’s this marriage that will give birth to a love for them. The challenges and the comfort we bring to each other will develop a love. 

Let Love Happen and Get Hitched

If we seek that passionate love of fairytales, and fail to see beyond the emotions, we will miss the signs that our life partner is in front of us. Today, true love that leads to marriage is ignored and pushed off by a large percent of the population. Due to establishing a career, financial stability or doubts in the person will not result in the idea of the perfect mate. Those ideals don’t exist. True love will not come from someone who satisfies our emotional needs, and one who checks all the boxes of endless traits we would like our ideal mate to be.

As with Isaac and Rebecca, love just happens. Most of the time too, we know when it happens. Yet, action is missing. This parsha teaches us to move fast, get married and love. 

Through the constitution of marriage we become wholesome beings. We transform into another person as we grow into the partnership and give life. It is this marriage contract that facilitates for us to learn to be less selfish, attentive to others emotions, and build rich relationships. 

To learn and be inspired by a true love story, the torah portion of Chayei Sarah gives us the story of Isaac and Rebecca. Everything aligned for them. Prayers help the process. Defining what’s important in a life partner. And taking action when we meet them. Time is the enemy of getting it done.

Marriage is the true love story.