Parshat Shelach: Strength Through Struggle, in Parenting and in Life

The other night I watched a captivating episode of This Is Us, and I was struck by how deeply it explored parenting—specifically, the delicate balance between protecting our children and letting them grow through struggle.

Rebecca and Jack, parents of triplets, are raising their kids with heart and intention. In this episode, we flash back to when the children are babies. One of the triplets, Kevin, keeps waking and crying at night. Rebecca instinctively goes to soothe him, until Jack stops her. We can see it hurts her—her resistance is raw and real. But this is a turning point. She steps back and allows Kevin to self-soothe, to stretch into discomfort. And from that moment on, we watch Kevin grow. He stops crying at night. He pushes through tough football practices. He doesn’t quit, even when it’s hard. He learns that effort brings strength. That the impossible becomes possible—through persistence.

This episode mirrored something we all experience: the journey toward a vision we carry for ourselves—or for our children. Life presents us with challenges that often feel too big. But if we stay the course, if we push forward with faith and effort, what once felt out of reach begins to unfold.

Rebecca and Jack show us that parenting isn’t just about keeping kids safe and comforting them—it’s also about empowering. It’s about helping our children become resilient, strong, and capable of rising to the challenge.

And that’s exactly the message that jumps out from this week’s Parsha—Shelach.

The Fear That Keeps Us Small

In Parshat Shelach, the Jewish people are right on the edge of stepping into their purpose. The land is in sight. The future is bright. But when the twelve spies return, ten of them are overtaken by fear. They say the land is good—but the people are giants. The obstacles are too great. And then they say something that reveals what’s really going on:

“We were like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and so we were in theirs.”

They saw themselves as small, and so they couldn’t imagine anything else. And that mindset—that fear—spread like wildfire. The entire nation is shaken. They cry. They want to go back to Egypt. They want to quit before they even start.

Does that sound familiar?

Because honestly, it’s not just them. It’s us too.

We finally get the job interview for something we’ve been dreaming of—and suddenly we tell ourselves we’re not qualified enough.

We start to speak up in a relationship, but the fear of not being heard or being “too much” shuts us down. Or we get inspired to start something new—writing, creating, teaching, launching a business—and then fear creeps in: “Who am I to do this?”

We shrink. We play small. We feel the vision—but fear blurs it.

That’s the voice of the ten spies. It sounds reasonable. It sounds protective. But it’s not the voice that leads us forward.

What Hashem (and Good Parents) Know

And then we hear the voice of Calev and Yehoshua. They don’t deny the challenge—they just don’t let it define them.

“We can surely go up and take the land, for we can do it.”

They hold onto the promise, not the panic. They see what’s possible with Hashem’s help—and they lean into it with strength.

And Hashem? He doesn’t rescue the people from their fear. He doesn’t remove the giants. He holds steady. Just like Jack did for Rebecca. Just like we sometimes have to do for our kids. Or for ourselves.

Hashem sees their potential. But He also knows: without effort, there’s no growth. Without fear, there’s no courage.

He allows that generation to wait—not out of punishment, but so the next one can be raised with the mindset they’ll need to cross the threshold.

 When the Vision Feels Bigger Than Us

We all have moments where the future looks bright—and terrifying. Where we stand right on the edge of something good, but fear pulls us back.

This parsha teaches us that fear is part of the journey. But it doesn’t have to be the driver. Faith, effort, and small steps forward—that’s what moves us toward our “Promised Land,” whatever that may be.

So the next time something feels too big:

• Remember Calev’s words.

• Remember that discomfort might be part of growth.

• Remember that Hashem doesn’t expect perfection—just participation.

And if you’re parenting, remember this too: sometimes the most loving thing you can do is hold steady. Let your child feel the stretch. Let them try. Let them feel capable.

Because the impossible becomes possible when we stop giving up before we begin.

Read more on Fear: Confront the Unknown: Fear of Self